Did you know that communication in a relationship is a very important thing? Any therapist will tell you that. Wondering if your communication in your relationship is good and healthy? We have special quiz for you! Find out if your communication needs to be worked on, and find useful tips in our article! We have communication questions for couples! Take the Couple Communication Quiz and improve your relationship satisfaction!
What is communication?
Let’s start with a simple explanation. In every relationship there is communication, because people need to communicate with each other and they do it in various ways. Communication is not just talking, it is also gestures, facial expressions and behavior. Not everyone has the ability to communicate well, with the result that often conflicts in relationships are based on bad communication.
Communication is learned from childhood, with parents and caregivers as role models. They, however, can’t always teach us good communication, because they can’t do it themselves. The principles of good communication are unlikely to be taught in school either, so how do we know all this?
People usually learn from their mistakes or seek information themselves. Nowadays we have it easier, because psychological information and materials are more available. If you’re here, you probably want to find out and learn something yourself. And that’s a very good thing! Today we’ll show you typical communication mistakes and how to deal with them.
Mistakes in communication
Communication is not such an easy thing at all. Everyone makes some mistakes in communication, but it’s worth noticing them and working on them in order to create better and more lasting relationships. Learn about the most common communication mistakes and consider which one you repeat most often. With this knowledge, you will know what to work on!
Not listening to your partner
The first mistake in communication is that people simply don’t listen to each other. The reasons can be various. Sometimes you can be so focused on what you yourself want to say that you are unable to listen to the other person. Or you may be experiencing strong emotions during an argument, so you find it harder to listen. Or you simply focus on other things, such as your partner’s tone of voice or gesticulation, without listening to what he or she wants to convey.
How to deal with this? The most important thing is to always adopt an attitude of understanding. When you talk to your partner, remember that you want to understand him or her first and foremost. Practice attentiveness, try not to get distracted. You also want to be heard and understood, so you need to give the same from yourself. By thinking about your partner’s perpsective, you will solve any problem much more easily and quickly.
Another mistake is denial – sometimes partners send various messages impulsively or unconsciously, and then deny having done so. For example, a man responded passive-aggressively to a woman, and then said he didn’t mean anything bad – even though the second meaning was clear and his tone of speech was rude. When we have been in a relationship with someone for a long time and know our partner well, we can easily sense this.
Through such behavior, we accumulate resentment and anger toward our partner, which results in having unresolved problems, and arguments can be more intense and dangerous. So how do we deal with this? First of all, honesty. When you have some negative feeling towards your partner, tell your partner about your concerns. Talk to each other about it calmly and respectfully, and always try to work out a compromise.
Are your needs in the relationship not being met? Find out if you have a selfish partner!
Another problem is contradictions. In psychology, they are called double-bind communications. This involves setting certain expectations that are impossible to meet.
The best way to explain it is with an example – a wife tells her husband that for a party he can dress as he wants, but no matter what the husband himself chooses, the wife is dissatisfied. You convey some message to the other person, but your reaction is not in line with what you conveyed.
People behave like this when they don’t want to admit their own feelings. The first message is usually evidence of their pretense. Can you deal with double-bind communications? Here, too, it is important to work on sincerity and security. Partners in a relationship need to feel safe to say what they think. Full acceptance is therefore needed.
Want to learn good relationship communication techniques? Click here!
There are some communications that in excess have negative effects. These include criticism, contempt and isolation. Criticism in a relationship is necessary, but it must be expressed carefully, respectfully and sensitively. In any good relationship there should be more praise than criticism. Contempt is a real evil for relationships. Ideally, there should be none at all.
When we begin to feel contempt for our partner, it can be a sign of moving toward relationship breakdown. It is then necessary to work on mutual respect. Isolation can be expressed in various ways.
Partners sometimes distance themselves from each other as a result of too many problems and negative messages. Then they avoid conversations, physical closeness and spending time together. This doesn’t bode well for the relationship either. It is better to confront problems than to distance oneself from them.
How to work on communication?
Once you’ve learned all the most common mistakes you’re probably wondering how exactly to work on them. We have some tips for you to try to apply to your relationship if your communication does not satisfy you. And if you’re not sure, take our Couple Communication Quiz and see what level your communication is at!
- Recognizing your mistakes and ways of thinking
- Accepting differences
- Taking care of closeness and intimacy
- A cooperative attitude
- Honesty and understanding
Each person has their own individual approach to communication. In a relationship, it is useful to know each other’s approaches to communication and problem solving. For example, if we know that our partner tends to hide emotions, then we need to know how to talk to him or her. Then a lot of sensitivity and reassurance is needed.
We need to assure our partner that he or she will be heard and not judged or criticized. Knowing our weaknesses, we know how to deal with them and what to avoid. And, of course, we need to accept these differences. Everyone can work on themselves, but you can’t expect immediate change from your partner. It is also worthwhile to ensure physical closeness, which increases trust and makes conversations easier.
Even such small things as cuddling, hand-holding, stroking, gentle touch expressing support count. Next, you need to have the right attitude, specifically a cooperative attitude. When you have quarrels, you should think of them as a problem that you need to solve together instead of an I versus Partner style competition and sticking to who is right.
For this, you also need honesty and understanding. It is not worth hiding your thoughts in a relationship, if you are afraid to express something, try to do it gently.
Couple Communication Quiz
Now you are ready to take our quiz, because you don’t have to worry about the result. If it turns out that your communication needs to be worked on, you already know how to do it and what to focus on. If, on the other hand, it will be a difficult task for you because your communication is very problematic, then you should think about couples therapy. There you will get specialized help and be able to enjoy a happy relationship.
Looking for a similar quiz? Take this one – What Should I Talk About With My Girlfriend?
How many questions does this Communication Quiz have?
Our quiz has 20 questions.
What exactly will this quiz tell me?
This quiz will tell you if the communication in your relationship is at a good level.
Why is communication in a relationship important?
Communication brings people together and helps resolve conflicts.
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