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How cool would it be to become something else? For example, a sandwich? Just think about it – being a sandwich must be way more enjoyable than being a human, even if you’re getting eaten. I say don’t knock that sandwich existence until you try it. A playful ice cream sandwich, a graceful finger sandwich, a non-nonsense Reuben sandwich – oh, the many possibilities! (Yes, Reuben speaks “non-nonsense go-getter” to me, but it’s just my hunch.)
Before we get too hungry or too existential, take a bite out of the quiz we have for you. Is your destiny to be the most convenient finger food the world has ever seen? Peek at the questions and be honest with yourself: are you, by all intents and purposes, a sandwich?
Whoever was the first to put some meat, veggies, or cheese between slices of bread and call it a meal? The legend goes it was John Montagu, but it’s hard to believe no one thought about it before one earl got peckish in the 18th century.
Either way, sandwiches are great – portable, tasty, and as a concept, very flexible. There’s not one righteous way to make a sandwich because there are so many sandwich types! What a world we live in.
Were the sandwiches human…what would they be like? I’m determined to share my thoughts on that with you. Be warned, gentle reader, that the process will be rather arbitrary and not based on reason because, honestly, how can it be?
We’re taking it slow with a classic option. Bread and ham, what more do you need? Maybe some butter and cheese, but nothing more or things start to spiral out of control. What can be said about the ham sandwich? It’s loyal. It’s down-to-earth. It’s practical. It’s the guy you knew in school who would never reinvent the wheel but was trustworthy like hardly anyone else. That’s the essence of this barebone, straightforward sandwich.
We’re serving bacon, lettuce, and tomato to kick off the party. Now, the BLT knows what it wants. It’s not afraid to get messy (with bacon fat and mayo) or even downright toasted (BLT sandwich toasted? Sounds pretty nice). This sandwich takes charge and makes things happen, and it won’t be intimidated by a mere grilled cheese sandwich or some freaky crustless monstrosity! BLT is also quite sweet once you get to know it. FWIW.
Are down for the mayo party, or are you the pickiest eater on the block?
The All-American classic, peanut butter and jelly sammy is bubbly, optimistic, and hopeful for the future. She is the leader of the cheering squad and the most popular chick in school – not because of wealthy parents or mean girl attitude, but because she’s just so nice. Peanut butter and jelly is not everyone’s cup of tea (bite of sandwich?), admittedly, but you can’t win them all!
If you thought peanut butter & jelly was well-liked, wait for the true royalty to arrive. You can’t hate ye olde faithful delicacy that helped the noble American people get through the gravest times. The grilled cheese is like the capybara in the hot stream: all good vibes and chill with anybody who approaches. It beams with confidence and not the arrogant kind. Nay, it’s the sort of confidence that comes from inner peace; the serenity you can only reach after grilled cheese-filled bacchanal.
Find a food for yourself amongst the variety of American cuisines.
This Frankenstein-esque creation reminds me of someone a little bit unhinged. The idea of pasta and sauce stuffed between bread borders on madness, even for those seduced by double carbs. Yet it must be admired for sheer creativity and nerve. That’s what this sandwich is to me: bold, passionate, and…insane.
This specialty of Jewish cuisine, this kosher-like treat built from rye bread, sauerkraut, and corn beef, is one of the most non-nonsense sandwiches there is. You can’t fool the Reuben sandwich and don’t even try to. It’s salty, it’s zesty, it hears no protest and fears no man. It knows what he wants and is reaching for it in handfuls. Don’t you want to be more like Reuben? I know I do.
Can you really have it all? The glazed donut sandwich proves that it’s true. It’s decadent, shameless, and indulgent, eager to enjoy the simplest of life’s pleasures (like a donut sandwich). It’s a personality that’s hard to resist, but beware, the experiences awaiting you are not for the faint of heart.
Go on, lad, don’t be shy, try out the rest of our quizzes!
Well, there you have it – my impressions of sandwich personalities, based upon nothing but my imagination. Are you feeling hungry? Pick up a picnic basket and take the quiz to answer the burning question: are you a sandwich? The answers await if you’re brave enough to take a bite.
